First Christmas

This is my first Christmas in Blogland, and I've spent a lot of it writing about the local customs and family traditions that mark the season here at home.

I've always loved experiencing Christmas here, and there's a part of me that believes that is because of the pride I have in my country. There's another part of me that says that there's just so much to enjoy and participate in at this time of the year, that it is just a great experience for visitors and locals alike.

As I reflect on what Christmas in Trinidad means, it strikes me that it's changing.

There's a lot more focus on the toys and gifts, and there's also an increasing focus on the parties and clubs. But the traditional festivities like the annual Parang festival are struggling to keep going. More and more people are buying their pastelles and black cake at the grocery, instead of making them at home.

I totally get it - we're living busy lives and so the services are focusing more on selling convenience and escape. This year, for the first time in this house, we didn't buy fresh sorrel but opted instead for the packaged pre-cut dried kind. But there's something to be said for taking the time to make your sorrel, or your pastelles.

The holiday food preparations have always been family-focused. Family members pitched in, young and old, and many hands made the work light. There is laughter and sharing and connection in those times. And these are the experiences that make the season. I can't say that I can make pastelles from scratch. But at a friend's house, in the assembly-line and over lots of laughter, man I can scoop filling like nobody's business!

The food can be had at anytime, anywhere, but if you remove the community, you remove the stuff of memories. When people miss Christmas in Trinidad, the food is a small component of what they miss. What they miss is what happens around the food. What happens during the parang. What happens when we "movin from house to house" (notice the paranderos in the first clip above would stop and sing at one spot and then move along to the next).

That open-hearted spirit is what makes us who we are, and shapes who we become. We are known to be warm and friendly. We are known to be welcoming and kind. We are known to be extremely creative. Because when you have to feed 10 more people than you expected on short notice, with grace, you learn to be creative! When the lime (party) turns good, and the parang touches your soul, musical instruments are made from "bottle and spoon" and a box with string... We are masters of invention.

What is going to feed the creative soul if we look only to convenience? What will the next generation produce?

***********

The beautiful and talented Trinidadian Heather Headley on stage with the great Andrea Bocelli.

Close... but no cigar

Meant to post this yesterday but had 2 kids down with stomach flu, and REALLY had to concentrate on getting them better before Christmas!


Hi all my wonderful, darling bloggy peeps. Guess what...

We didn't win. On the last day, we took over 3rd spot from what I can tell, but PBD wasn't bound by number of votes, and awarded the 3rd prize to someone else. It's all good though, because we did WAY better than I thought we would and I am so so grateful to you for making it as fun and exciting as it was.

And don't go hating on PBD either because I knew up front that the ultimate decision was hers, (but I was kinda hoping that votes counted.)

Top 5 doesn't exactly suck, ya know! Give it up for TOP 5! Yay!

Anyhoo, so remember that thank you gift I had for one of you lucky peeps?

Well I got a winner for ya....

That would be none other than...

Being Me from Mothers Always!

I am so happy to be able to send these to you (all the way in Singapore!) with gratitude and the warmest Christmas wishes.

Being Me visits me every single day and I love hearing from her by way of her heartfelt comments and our exchange of emails.

There are so many of you that I would really love to send something small from my heart to yours, but unfortunately finances do get in the way.

But to all of you, Thank You, for being awesome company and for making me laugh and think, and encouraging me this past year.

Happy Holidays!

Sundays In My City - Trini Christmas (Part 2)

What Christmas would be complete without a trip with the kids to the local mall to see the gorgeous decorations?

Their Christmas tree is spectacular every year.

I love that the design incorporates local elements such as the stately palm trees...

...alongside the gorgeous poinsettias. (I guess the reindeer do make it this far south?)

And look! On exit, there's the roadside vendor selling Sorrel.

Sorrel is a local flowering herb, and these purplish flowers are harvested late in the year and used to make a delicious drink that is inextricably linked to Christmas.

The flowers are boiled with ginger and cloves and,

after being left to steep for some time, the liquid is drained off and sweetened.

In a word... Delicious! In another word, Refreshing!

I love the childrens' Christmas Pageants every year...

On Christmas Eve, it is customary to attend one of the many church services (not everyone can make it to Midnight Mass.)

And on Christmas morning, we wake early to just spend time as a family - sharing time, sharing presents and of course, good food!

What's Christmas like in your City?

Happy Holidays!


Wishing you a season filled with 
Love
Joy 
and Peace!

What are we doing here?

What is it that we do here every day, or week, or whatever frequency you want to use to measure. We sit at our laptops and pound out some words on a keyboard, and sit back and read.

Seems simple enough.

Kinda boring though. Why'd you want to do that every day?

I'm not sure I can answer that even for myself. But I do know I laugh my butt off at some of my more blessed-in-the-comedy-department peers. And am inspired by some. And some teach me stuff I should probably know as a mom - like easy crafts to do with the kids, and impressive-looking recipes to make when company's coming. I guess it's like having a group of girl friends, who are willing to jot down their thoughts in summary form so you can read them through, instead of missing bits and pieces while screaming through the chatter and belly laughs and forgetting the point of story, like it happens IRL (in real life).

It's not something my IRL non-blogger friends and family can really understand. But they know it makes me happy, and they like to read my stuff, so they humour me. :-)

But what kinds of opinions are formed by those outside my circle? What are the pundits pronouncing, sitting back in their chairs looking over the rims of their glasses as they study my words and what it says about me. Ignoring their own assumptions and prejudices, and getting the copy out and educating the masses?

I saw this CNN iReport and felt compelled to leave the following comment.

I doubt there would be this visceral reaction if Ross had been reaching out via telephone. Numerous calls via cell may have been seen as a desperate mother grasping at support lines, rather than playing with technology in a crisis.

The social media platform via twitter and blogging is experiencing massive growth. As millions come aboard and begin to explore this new outlet, others are simultaneously becoming increasingly sophisticated in its use. It's defining itself even as it grows. The borders aren't set and the norms aren't yet established.

Is twitter frivolous? Primarily for personal use? What is acceptable in terms of a business presence? Is it ok for the 2 (bus/personal) to mix and under what circumstances?

These are all questions to which there are not yet clearly and widely accepted answers. Unfortunately for the Ross family, their personal tragedy is now tied up in the intense social scrutiny that is part of society forming  its norms.

My thoughts and prayers go out to a family who has had to say goodbye too soon.

I wanted to say more. I wanted to share how you have supported me through some dark moments when my son was first diagnosed with Aspergers. You shared stories, provided resources, and offered a shoulder to cry on. You saw the raw emotion that the public me never shared with anyone outside immediate family.

I wanted to show that there is community here, just as valid as the community we are surrounded with IRL. But I didn't. This story is attracting people, on both sides, with very emotional reactions. And I didn't want anyone thinking this was about me. I wanted the focus to remain on the bigger picture as I see it.

But here. In the privacy of my own blog. Here I can express my heartfelt compassion for a mother tortured over the loss of her son. It touches a nerve and brings back memories of another hospital, another mother grieving the sudden loss of her son. I will always remember that sound.


I never got to say goodbye to my brother. We were not close. But I made a lot of calls that night. I wasn't obviously grieving. I don't recall who I called and what I said. You can't lean on a telephone, but it certainly did find me some people to lean on that night when I needed distraction to make it through each passing minute.

Maybe because of that, I'm slower to judge another woman. Sending one message. To a group of people many of whom she felt close to (and who obviously felt close to her given their unwavering loyalty and support). Asking them to pray.

Did I ever tell you...

Did I ever tell you about my little boy?

This one

He's a crafty lil fella. And by that I mean, he keeps stacks of these around the house.

Because he's constantly making these

which turn into these

(that's a crown, made of wrapping paper, fit for a Queen thankyouverymuch)

Sometimes he sits quietly making these

And sometimes he asks you for a straw and returns with one of these

(For the uninitiated that'd be a straw, masking tape, and shoebox paper he's recycling)

This Christmas he wants one of these

and one of these

Maybe one day he'll be designing one of these

We got the first one covered. If you'd like to help us win the Crayola Set for him, please go here and leave a comment voting for Number One!

Vote for Me! Up to Once a Day!

Come on peeps - I don't make demands of you, and I'm fairly easy-going.

So THIS ONE TIME would you do me a HUGE favour and

VOTE FOR MY KIDS!

That's right! The kiddos are entered in parenting BY dummies Merry Effing Christmas Contest. Boy the Younger would love to win 3rd prize for an awesome Crayola set. But really, a decent top 5 showing is all I ask.

All you have to do is

• click on this link and 
• leave a comment voting for NUMBER ONE! (See, we're already number 1! We just need to make sure PBD knows it too!)

You can vote ONCE PER DAY between now and December 18th. (All votes must be in by 6pm on the 18th!)

HAVE YOU VOTED TODAY?

On swimming... and being washed up on the shore

I try to live my life engaged. I don't know if I'm succeeding or not, but I know I'm always thinking. I don't want life to just happen to me. And wash over me. Experiences must mean something.

Maybe that's the hidden motivation for my blogging. I get to capture and process my thoughts. That's important to me - blogging or not. I am guided by the experiences of my past, and so I need time to dissect those interactions.

Figure out what works and what doesn't. Try to gain some insight. Some lessons are taught by wise and loving teachers, while others are much, much harder on the heart and mind.

How very rewarding to try and succeed.

But how much more valuable to try... and fail.

Not that I enjoy failure. I see in my oldest the fiercely competitive spirit that he inherits from me. But in his mother, time has turned the competition from an external thing, to something more internal. Much more personal.

Knowing the impatient spirit that raged within a younger more tempestuous me, I smile every time people admire my patience. If only they knew that the so-called wisdom I pass on was gained from hard-knock experience, not some impressive gift I was born with.

I firmly believe that life presents you with some experiences repeatedly - in different forms - until you've taken away the lesson you were intended to learn.

I've learned to sit back and look for the lesson now - and it's taken decades of practice. I'm still learning. But now I can recognize those areas I keep failing in, and I keep trying. Some teachings may forever elude me - maybe that's a lesson itself - that some lessons can't be learnt in this lifetime. But when I find that little piece of wisdom, just like the cheat code you earn after conquering a level of a video game, I tuck it away somewhere safe.

I refer to those pieces of wisdom in the quiet of my mind when facing challenges myself, or observing my children face their own.

What goes around, comes around
That's a big one for me.

You have to put good out there. It's the only way to beat back the negativity that threatens to overwhelm us.

Listen, before speaking
Too often we are just waiting for our turn. My favourite way to illustrate this (of course it's from Sesame St)


Don't respond in anger
You can't take back those words once spoken. Or written.
I don't know about you, but I don't like to live with regrets. And responding too hastily with anger-clouded judgement has shown itself to be a pretty good way to create embarrassing situations and destroy otherwise wonderful relationships.

Everyone has a lesson to teach you
Smart, rich, powerful, dumb, poor, naive. All labels.
Everyone out there has the potential to teach you life-changing lessons. Most of those labels are there because of circumstances usually beyond our control - the cards we were dealt at birth. But no-one is more or less than you. They're just on a different path because of their circumstances, and if you want to get to where they are, all you need to do is work toward changing your circumstances. And figure out what they've been put in your path to teach you.

Nobody else is responsible for the choices you make
This one was taught to me primarily by a high-school religion teacher. (I went to Catholic school.)
I argued long and hard on this one, trying to show how it was possible for people to influence others and "make" them act in a certain way. And while that is true, I eventually had to concede that she was right. Regardless of why the decision was made, the decision can only be made by self, and self must always take responsibility. This is a make or break. And it's a lesson that our young men especially need to learn. This young man took a little detour before he finally got it, and I hope that he will be able to teach others through his own experiences (interviewed by Zack Arias at zarias.com).



I do not profess to be a teacher, nor do I profess to be wise. I do believe that age brings perspective, and that I've lived an adventurous enough life to have picked up a tidbit or two of useful information as a result of many, many hard knocks. The only lesson I am currently trying to teach is to my children - and that lesson is Silence is Golden. (wink)


This post inspired by prompt #2 of Mama Kat's Writers' Workshop 12/17.