I felt tumbled by the biggest waves in the roughest surf. Amazed to come out whole on the other end. But physically weary and emotionally drained, while feeling a sense of everything around me being so distant.
One after the other the waves had hit.
The first woke me up to a reality that I know I've been choosing not to see. Consciously choosing to look past obvious signs and believe in the goodness and honesty of people. And then life hits you over the head and forces you to make a decision you really wish you didn't have to make.
Even when that decision means I am no longer committed to sacrificing the time and money I have been for the past few months. Because the basis for that sacrifice was flawed from the start.
Except... if you knew me at all, you'd know I'd have to turn that decision over and over to make sure I'm making a decision that's totally fair to all involved. You could probably call me the eternal optimist.
Where the first wave shoved me hard, the second tumbled me right over. Took the ground right out from under me. Made me realize that I can't be apologetic for putting the priorities of my family above all. That's where they are and that's where they need to stay. At Number 1. And I make no apologies for that.
Life has a way of working out like that. For me anyway. If I am ever agonizing over whether I am making the right decision, as long as I'm making it with good and honest intentions something comes along to show me the way, and reinforce my decision.
But I didn't expect wave 3. Wave 3 tumbled me, twisted and turned me and took me for a ride.
Wave 1 affected me. Wave 2, my husband. And Wave 3, my sister.
My loved ones. The parts of me that live outside of me.
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