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Saturday, September 5, 2009

It's all in your head...

I had a weird kind of writer's block tonight. I had too much to talk about. I wanted to talk to you about blogging after reading an interesting post over at Blogrollers. And I have this whole other post I want to write on motherhood - I already have the title picked out - Mommy Wars. :-) Another one is inspired by words my friend and mentor said to me that I've never forgotten. But what I'm fascinated with right now, is Illusions.

A few weeks ago heading into town, I noticed this other driver in her SUV. She seemed so remote. And I don't mean daydreaming and distant, I mean deliberately shut off from everyone else. Windows up, doors locked, and some very loud body language. Something about the situation struck me. The way she had created her own world, aloof in her own armoured cocoon.

Now the intersection we were approaching is known to have these "squeegee kids" who hustle for a few dollars there wiping people's windshields - often whether they like it or not. Maybe she was bracing mentally for that. Was she afraid she'd be robbed? Didn't want to deal with the hustle? Whatever the reason, I was fascinated by the way her mind had created this "safe" place for her, where she was intent on tuning them (or the rest of the world) out. And it made me think about the power of the mind.

For example, I'm afraid of heights. Do. Not. Like. Heights. But sometimes you can't avoid it. There's this road that my husband takes often (left up to me I would avoid it like the plague). It winds up and along a hill, and has a lovely view overlooking the entire capital city and the sea beyond. Photo at lyndersaydigital.com

Until recently, I would feel my breath get shallow, and I would grip the seat, and totally freeze when we drive on this road. So much do I hate this road that it has become a fixture in my recurring dreams, where the hillside has become barren and rocky and I am trying to cross insurmountable obstacles like gaps in the road, or huge boulder landslides. Over the years, I've tried to distract myself with different techniques. And I find I can now have a conversation while going over the hill and I can breathe.

And here's the thing - nothing changed except my mental state. Statistically and physically, the road is no safer and no more dangerous than it ever was. But for me it IS so much safer. Granted the kids must still sit very quietly, and I still can't look over at the view. For this Illusion to hold, I still need imagine that there's no drop off at the side of the road, but it's progress, no?

I've set my mind to making what used to be an ordeal into a more tolerable experience. The human mind is amazing that way. What does your state of mind help you to do?

6 comments:

A Mother Always said...

I agree with you, the human mind is amazing. We each have different stress-tolerance mechanisms that activate according to each individual. My mind had learnt to adapt to coping with a huge amount of anger, and yet maintain my facade of calm for the kids. My son I believe had also managed to adapt. It's like he was able to hide in a place in his mind when he was in a painful situation. Because when out of it, he acted like nothing happened. Somehow that has made him resilient and helped him cope. (That's not good in the long run I know, but we're dealing with it.) God Bless

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

The mind is a powerful thing. You can take control of any situation be redirecting it.

I don't have many phobias but I can relate on the height thing. It's not height as far as views. It's height as far as ladders and feeling secure on my feet. This is the ONE thing I can't seem to get my mind to redirect on. I'd love to get over this one!

La Belle Mere said...

I found that becoming a stepmum and dealing with all that that entails was much much more difficult to deal with than I originally anticipated. It brought out all sorts of unexpected emotions in me... anger, jealousy, resentment, fear. Over the last couple of years I've studied CBT and Buddhism to try and change my mindset to deal with things better. Some days it works, some days it doesn't. I've never really got the bottom of why I seem to be able to control my thoughts on one day and not on another??? Hormones?!!!

Thanks for stopping by my blog!!

LBM xxx

Melissa B. said...

I'm a pretty positive person. I live by Annie Oakley's motto: "Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you!"

Claudya Martinez said...

I'm the same way about heights. I have to focus on something else and just ignore the fact that I am so high up.

Mandee said...

You have an award on my blog! :)

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