Small victory

A year ago I was stuck in a job I used to love, battling the prejudices career women face when they decide to have a family. I worked hard to get where I was – Senior Management at a well-connected Financial Services company. I developed a reputation for expecting excellence – from my team, from my vendors, but most of all from myself. I took broken messes and turned them into well oiled machines. I was good at it, and I got my satisfaction not from any accolades (if you’re in IT in the business world, you know you only hear about us when things are broken!) but from knowing that we took insurmountable odds and triumphed time and again. I was lucky to have a special team of really talented individuals and I was dedicated to them, and we became like a family. And I expected what would happen when I became pregnant.

I was known for my “second shift”, getting up to work from home at 2am while my family slept, so that I didn’t have to sacrifice my family time with them when I got home from work. It was how I managed it, and it was fine with me, and I wasn’t looking for brownie points for it. Despite this, I started to get hints that I was not committed to the company. I had a really tough pregnancy with my daughter, and I would sometimes be too sick to go into work. Unless you have experienced it, there is no way to relate to you how terrible round-the-clock nausea and vomiting are. So checking email was sometimes out of the question. I was told in no uncertain terms that my actions were demonstrating that I was no longer committed to the company. As a result of what was happening with me, Senior Managers were actually a new credo. Our new vision. It was a hierarchy of our commitments as the leaders of the company. Family was 3rd on that list. Initially my colleagues were startled, and pretty soon it was clear that I was being targeted. Privately, I had much support. Publicly, some questions were asked, but there was very little confrontation since everyone was afraid for their own jobs. There is much much more, but we’ll save that for another time.

The point is, at some point, I found my situation to be enough. I had enough of the bitterness and chose not to sue for the most blatant wrongful dismissal and prejudice. I couldn’t do that, and raise my baby. The stress had taken a toll on me, and one after another health concerns were developing. I started having debilitating anxiety attacks. I had a choice to fight this thing, or turn around and focus on my family. I prayed a lot and I wavered. A. Lot. And I chose not to go through a prolonged court battle with a billionaire.

I say this today, because I am at peace. Yes, I feel some validation when my old colleagues tell me that it’s gone to crap and on shaky terrain now. And when I hear that companies are being sold off. And when I hear junior staff say that everything I predicted would happen has. But I’m sad too. Because instead of battling me and dismissing my ideas, my boss should have been engaging me.

Listen up men. We get pregnant. We don’t get stupid. There’s no correlation there. Take a biology course. Wise up.

But that’s not the real reason I’m at peace. I am at peace knowing I made the right decision. I am free to spend more time with my loved ones. With a husband right by my side who supported me, and kept me sane. With a father who loved me enough to be supportive and encouraging on the phone, and who hid the anger he really felt, knowing it couldn’t help me. With a mother who loves me with her all. With my boys who rubbed my back when I was vomiting, and rubbed my feet and back when I couldn’t walk. And with my fearless little girl, who unknowingly propelled me into change.

They’re small on your list, boss. But I wouldn’t trade them for a thing.