That is not my job

I spent my college years far away from my sunny home, studying in the USA. In cold New England. I remember arriving there in August for the start of my freshman first semester and being so cold I was wearing a leather jacket. Yep. I was cold. I remember telling people that they didn't have a relationship with the sun - the sun was a stranger to them. :-)

I made some great friends while I was there. Friends I keep in touch with to this day. Scattered around the world. I might not speak to them daily, but when we do speak there's no distance and space between us. One of the most important friendships I had at that time, I developed with one of my teachers. No not in any creepy teacher/student romantic relationship! How could we not be friends - here at last was another Trinidadian! Another human being who shared my very different understanding of the sun! Aside from which, I think Tony connects on some level with every human being he meets. People from all walks of life are drawn to him. And I'm not the only one who's called him mentor (which by the way is the only time I think I've ever seen him look uncomfortable! Ha ha! I've seen him cringe when people utter that word describing him). He's one of those people who is fascinated with mankind, and as a playwright and director, I think he is always listening. But more than that, he is the only person I have met who seems genuinely not to judge other people.

That fascinates me. It fascinated me then, and it fascinates me still. In contrast to Tony, I think I spent most of my life before that judging. I have always had this innate sense of right and wrong and standing up for what is just. I was raised in a very spiritual home, and I felt it my duty to always do my part to speak for those who were too weak or fearful or just didn't have the words. And in my fervent quest for justice, there I was judging away in my youthful oblivion.

Until one day I remember witnessing some interaction between Tony and some other person. The details of who and the specific circumstances have faded, but I will never forget his reaction. Nothing. No anger, no retaliation to what I considered to be an affront. So I had to ask -

Me "Didn't that bother you? How can you remain so calm when people are like that?"

Him "It's not my job. That's His job. And I am not qualified."

Whoa.

I mean he didn't just say the words. He meant it. Pfff - me, when I say that judgement is not mine to make, I am fully saying that

1. I've already judged you,

2. you're wrong, and

3. I'm just waiting to see what creative way you're going to be punished. Cos, oh yeh, it's coming!

Boy that made me think.

Ok I get it. We're not supposed to judge each other. I get it.I get it.

I know.... the Bible says "Judge not, lest ye be judged".

But how? I mean...

Isn't that important in order to keep ourselves and our families safe? I mean we can't just go blindly and naively through life. Is the choice really between stupid and holier-than-thou?

?

I can't say I have the answer, I'm no expert. But I've pondered it for years. Trying to find my way around it. I don't want to be the fool walking around with the beam in my eye trying to take the speck out of yours. I try to remember that behind every action there's a motivation and a story that I don't know the details of. And I try to have compassion. I said try. Cos we know how that can be sometimes. Especially when mother-tiger-protect-my-cubs mode kicks in. There's no reasoning with her. She doesn't like you, and she will eat you.

But I don't think Tony's non-judgement comes from either stupidity or feeling holier-than-thou. I think it comes from seeing each human being as having an interesting story to tell. So maybe that's where the key lies...

I have a feeling I'm not going to have this one figured out any time soon.

So what are your thoughts? And does being a Mom make it easier, because you can see little minds at work? Or more difficult because you have to help them learn to make wise decisions?